» Listings for 2010

1. I should be getting paid for this.

   Posted on 12:22pm Monday 11th Jan 2010

   Hi all. Hey this is exciting! I'm writing a new blog and I've absolutely no idea where it's going to go. I don't have a clue what I'm going to say. So what's new? I'm glad to get some post at last by the way. Seems like everyone took the last three days off last week regardless of how hard it actually was or wasn't to get the car out in the snow (or lack thereof after Wednesday). I couldn't get a haircut, I couldn't go to the gym, my tooth broke and guess what? yep. Even the ruddy dentist was skiving off! I know that the ice was still around on the minor roads but I can't say I found it a problem. Anything that makes driving more interesting is ok in my book. Maybe if I lived in hilly Pulborough or somewhere I might have had some legitimate excuse. A close friend of mine was telling me how an articulated truck was trying to negotiate the stupidly tiny road system in mountainous Brighton that leads to the back door of "Boots the chemically-overwhelmed-if-you-work there shop and started sliding sideways towards a tiny pub on the corner. I bet those drinkers must have been questioning their love of alcohol that day! Well finally this morning the letters came through my box and I felt like Blue Peter after launching a Christmas appeal. Posty must have felt like Santa clause today. Perhaps I should go for a work out, sort out a dental appointment and get my haircut? Stupidly I can't be bothered yet. I'm beginning to wonder whether it wouldn't be ok if I just lived with half a back tooth. Spend £45 or live with a slightly jagged rear molar? Hmm...
   
   Booking for parties and wedding dj's are coming through again too so I'd better stay here in my unbelievably snug new Jumper (thanks Becky) and a cup of reasonably hot Lady Grey. That reminds me. Becks left the kettle on the other night (empty) and I woke up to find the bottom had melted out. I asked her why she left it empty of liquid and apparently in Germany that's the advice for kettles. (?) I reminded her once too often that it was better to always leave some water in it and an argument ensued. Never bollock someone too often (even as nicely as me) when they know damn well they've cocked up. Especially a woman who's just not long gotten up in the morning! What was I thinking?
   
   I wanted to email my aunt and uncle the other day to answer their annual letter and Christmas card the easy way. I'd written the email and then Bugger! For some reason unbeknown to me I'd lost their email address for the THIRD time. Rather than admit it, I Googled my Uncle for the next three hours and finally...Finally I actually found his email address. Aaah the sweet taste of success...He wrote back to my question saying: yes this is us.You must have googled me to get this address. You might have had a problem getting through, as we've had two major virus attacks and have had to change our usual address so sorry about that. So what does your truly do? I write back to them and openly admit that actually I'm ashamed to admit that I actually lost your address....Has anyone ever told you you're too honest? duh! 
   
   Have a great week and don't get too depressed (time of year and all that) Remember it's all downhill now until summer with fresh mown grass and heyfever. Hmm... perhaps winter isn't so bad...
   
   See you next time.
   
   Mike.

2. Two days late, but yet curiously boastful blog

   Posted on 5:23am Tuesday 5th Jan 2010

   Hi all. Just like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy new year. New years eve was a great party at the Ship Hotel in Chichester. I really love it when the whole crowd has one thing on it's collective mind. Dance! It was one of those parties where people are practically swinging from the chandeliers. I'm sure they would have too if there were any. Outside it was freezing but inside it was steaming! Can I think of any more good DJ metaphors? One guy asked me if I could play "Can you feel it" by The Jacksons. "No problem" I said and I did. 20 minutes later he said: "Can you play that song then?" "I did" I said.
   One horrible moment someone knocked a drink over on one of my powered bass bins and I thought "oh my god that ones going to need a repair." or words to that effect. It was looking decidedly ill with the speaker cone pulsing quite unnaturally fast and not in rhythm. It turned out to be the protection circuit kicking in. I was going a bit mad with the input volume. Unusual for me to overdrive them but it was that kind of party. Having said that though I'm going to check it again just to make sure. Well things are looking pretty good for this year despite the depression. I've never been in one before so I'm hoping folks want to party all the more to try and forget about it. We'll see. Today I managed to double book someone. It was such a lovely few phone calls too. Shame I won't get to meet them. So angry at myself. I've only ever done that once before in ten years. Damn! Will try and fill the first gig in on the right day in the diary next time. Bugger! Sorry Wendy. Like I say. Was lovely to talk to you.
   
   Joke of the week:
   
    
   A couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
   The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
   She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
   Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
   She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
   Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
   He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to..."
   
   Got a real Ronnie Corbett flavour to that one eh? You can almost hear that "spiraling down"/ "filling up the cup" sound effect at the end..
   
   See you all next time.