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Hi again. Next week we’re moving to Worthing and I’m dreading all that lifting and packing. You’d think as a DJ I’d take it all in my stride wouldn’t you? But as this will be about the 55th move since I left the home of my Transient military family, I know exactly how much of a sweaty, groany, tiresome business it is. On the upside I’m looking forward to living in a flat where you can walk straight out of the kitchen and into the back yard where there will be a table chairs and parasol waiting for us to sit down and have breakfast, dinner or barbacue etc. Also having a living room with a fireplace (just for the look only) and parking space for the vehicles at Cloud And Sun Towers that doesn’t come with overhanging trees and accompanying perpetual bird shit and tree debris to wash off. Yes the car and van will actually stay shiny! You should see them now after a storm has hit. They look like I’ve just driven them through a commercial compost heap. I spend my life wondering whether one day a very over grown tree will introduce itself into our bedroom one windy night, but all that’s over now. I love trees by the way, but not the fast growing kind on a bit of no-mans-land. They’ve even blocked out terrestrial TV since I moved here. At 60′ high they show no signs of either slowing down or meeting a tree surgeon any time soon.

I had a cancellation last Saturday night. The bride and groom split up six months earlier and the “groom no more” who’s job it was to tell me, didn’t bother. Never mind. Becky and I decided to make the most of my complete weekend off as it’s such a rarity. We ended up going out for lunch and then dinner. A bit decadent I know, but as I’ve mentioned on facebook, not enough it seems. On the way to Chichester for dinner I got pulled over by the long arm of the law and fined for not wearing a seat belt. By Christ that was an expensive day. I know we’re all supposed to wear them but as an ex truck driver I still have to remember every time I get in to do so. (there aren’t any seatbelts in lorries or haven’t been until recently.) None of this made the young motorbike plod any more sympathetic. The sprogs are always the most keen to dish out paperwork. Give it a few more years and he’ll try and avoid it wherever possible. This is beside the point I’m trying to make though. I’ve been a professional driver for around 25 years now.Yes I’m still doing it in the week. I drive special needs folk to and from a day centre when I’m not deejaying.  I’ve had prangs and clips and even two head on crashes before now and not once have I needed a seat belt. I’m not saying we should stop wearing them, I’m just saying that how is it just to punish someone for not ensuring that they might avoid accidently killing themselves? I don’t get it. Surely if I want to kill myself I am free to do so? And how is not wearing a seatbelt going to kill someone else? When you’ve crashed, you’ve…well, crashed. You might be dead, but it doesn’t kill the other guy or the passengers does it? Which brings me to the other official obsession. “speed kills”. No it doesn’t! If speed killed, then we wouldn’t have any racing drivers left would we? You want to know what really kills? It’s nothing to do with seatbelts or speed. It’s ta ta ta ta ta ta taaah….. Inabilty or inattention. If you’re a boy racer and you can’t take that corner at the right speed, that’s inabilty mate. Don’t try to run before you can walk. And while you’re at it, drive your own car and stop nicking ours. If you’re on anti deppressants or alchohol or spliff, or you’ve just had a falling out with a friend or relative, or you’re just plain knackered. That’s inattention. Oh and before you mention other road users and the stupid things they might do.. If you have your attention on the job, you can compensate with defensive driving can’t you?

We live in such a punitive society don’t we? Nobody except the wonderful emergency services (the irony) are acknowledged for their hard won skills and experience. What’s that saying? If you’ve done something for five years you’re an expert. If you’ve done it for ten years you’re a doctor. If you’ve done it for twenty years, you’re a professor. As I said before. I’ve been professional for 25 years. Surely my opinion counts for something? I reckon they should leave us alone and if they insist on pulling us over, I have ears and a brain. I don’t need a whopping £60 bill to remind me to obey (or else) the arbitrary law of the realm in future outings. Oh by the way, I talked about some of my point with the young whipper-snapper who pulled me over. One of the things he said was that “on the down side, I’ve known people die in their cars when the car caught fire and they couldn’t remove their seatbelt in time.”  Discuss.

Have a great weekend and remember to belt up or you might be sending that painful envelope off to Edward Street in Brighton. Think on…

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