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Last night I didn’t have a gig, so I decided to brave Eurovision. This is the first time I’ve done this since 2009 when I was with my then German girlfriend Becky at her Mother’s lovely house in a village near Bremen and it was mandatory viewing.

First of all top marks to the company that provided the staging graphics. I’ve never seen anything quite so awsome even at a U2 concert. (Credit to U2, this was the Orange tour I’m refering to and that was some years ago). They were simply cutting-edge wonderful. I suspect it might have been G-force, who have come a long way since creating amazing desktop PC music visualisation effects and have formed the backdrop to at least one George Michael tour amongst other artists. I’m only guessing though. I could be wrong.

The juxtoposition of these amazing stage graphics to an almost completely dire set of songs was something to behold. Not one decent song in 26, oh well, apart from our entry. I didn’t think it was a masterpiece, but it remains a melodic, well put together song none the less.

And now I hear today (Sunday) that it came third from the bottom in the voting. The favourite was Russia. Great graphics and great performance around them, but crap song again.

The winner was Ukraine. A well depressing bunch of garbage. The theme was political and personal to the performer, but again contained no decent orchestration, melody or correct use of chords etc. to back up the emotion of it. Result – Rubbish. Brutal? Perhaps. True? Definitely.

In my humble opinion, though I only saw bits of it, The cypriot entry wasn’t quite as bad as the others, but scored really quite badly. Austria was melodic, but a bit lame and came 13th.

It seems to me that in order to succeed at Eurovision these days, you have to drop any notion of musical knowledge of using the right chords for the mood, proper musical arangment and any hint of a melody, not to mention actually singing in tune on the night. This despite the only live element being the vocals. – Try and find any instrument with a lead attached to it – Too time consuming sound checking all those artists I guess. Easier to put on their studio track – Top Of The Pops style. Thus a rock band come on and sound as dry as a desert rat’s testicles. (For anybody under 30 reading this TOTP was a music show on BBC1 on a Thursday night which was axed on the premise that we’d all prefer watching MTV or music video channels than watching chart acts “perform” their latest offerings to lip sync. Just how wrong can you be? Well I don’t get MTV because I hate sky and Rupert “Media fascist” Murdock and I can’t stand music videos going round and round on a loop, never relating to any notion of performance; just a fast cut (epileptic caution) montage of unrelated and irelevant film clips pasted together over a song. That’s why.  Top of the Pops was a legend that I’m afraid you’ll only get to see at Christmas for some bizarre reason.

However, I digress….

So much of music now seems to be like the proverbial “empirer’s new clothes”. I feel like the minority who can see that the fraudster isn’t actually wearing any whilst most apparently can’t. Though to be fair, Although I despair at some of the chart acts of today, desperately trying not to write anything with any distinguishable melody (lacking talent or afraid of infringing someone’s copywrite – You decide), I’m actually in awe of everything in the current charts compared to everything (bar the UK entry) I had to endure last night. Which brings me to Justin Timberlake:

I wonder what Justin Timberlake thought last night as he too had to sit through all that crap in the green room before coming on with his kick-ass band of top players and equally kick-ass set. I’ve not liked everything Justin has done by any means but the two numbers last night were top notch. Credit where it’s due. Anyway, how did he feel? Smug, I’m guessing. What do you think?

it’s hard to think that this is the show that brought us Abba. But forget about Abba for a minute, Justin timberlake Started out what 20 years ago? Look how far ability has fallen in just 20 years. Where is the next Prince, Jimmi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, Etc.?

Not to leave you on a downer, Consider this as a last thought: What have all the top selling musician’s got in common? Could it be melody? Orchestration? When will record companies get this? Adele, Calvin Harris, Bruno Mars, David Guetta, Galantis, DNC…. They all produce melodic tracks and they are the top sellers of today. How did this get by the Eurovision acts/Jury? Is this a European musical conspiracy to bore us all to death? Is this the real future of remaining in Europe?

I hope we never find out!

 

Take care and thanks for reading.

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